A Letter to My Breast

Dear Breast,

This letter has been a long time coming. 

Look, I get it; you've had it! You no longer want to even try. The kids have used and abused you.  They have pulled, mashed, yanked, suckled, and at times hit you. I know, you didn't deserve that after all the things you have done for me.  No one should be used and abused like that.  But I can't help but think you are taking this all too far.  Don't you remember all the fun we used to have?

Don't you remember the way we would go to Mardis Gras and join in on the flashing fun? All of the beads? I mean you were pretty impressive. All you had to do was make an appearance and those beads (the big pretty ones) would just fall out of the sky! Man, I miss those times.

Or, how about the time we were pulled over for doing 85 miles an hour in a 45 miles an hour zone. You really worked your magic then! That officer didn't have a chance once you showed him what you were working with in that halter top! LOL! You really had it going on!

Once more...remember when we first met my husband? Oh yea, this is sure to bring a smile, remember how it was hard for him to focus on my face when you were there all bronzed and perky in all of your glory?

I know, I know you didn't tell me to fall in love and get married to him, have babies. I know, you didn't give me the blessing when I mentioned that I wanted my babies to have the "real deal," you didn't know the real deal meant breastfeeding.

I know life isn't fair. But you have to know that all good things come to an end. That we all can't be young, vibrant, and sitting up.  I try you know. I buy you only the best bra's, don't you like the Fredericks of Hollywoods, and the Victoria Secrets? Come on don't be like that!

I told you before I wouldn't dare even fancy the thought of plastic surgery! Come on now, you remember what happened to Tara Reid, and she "has" money! There aren't any guarantees you will come out of this a winner. I love you I don't want to chance it.

Look, its summer time now. The really cute clothes aren't so forgiving, we can't cover up like in the winter time.  You really must do your best. Like today, in my favorite sundress you aren't giving me your all and there is a built in bra.

So please, please I promise to give you even better support than before. You have got to try harder.  Snap out of this. Won't you please please, perk up, just for me?

You Want What?

Ok, so maybe that isn't me in the picture but on any given day it can be.  Look I know no one told me to try and be Supermommy, but hell, I like the idea having a "life" outside of my family. You know, something I can call my own. So with that comes a price...what price? Just take a look at that picture, thats the price.

Tired, dragging, with bags underneath the eyes.  Even though I may look like this from time to time, the kids are running around yelling at each other, our dog Travis Barker (yes, that is his name) is yapping. My hubby still has the nerve to pull at my skirt wanting a little sumthin sumthin.

Do I turn him down? No! Well, at least not all of time. My hubby is a good looking man mind you...after all I did marry him twice (more on that later).  But what I can tell you is, everything needs to be done in balance.  Its not his fault (well not entirely) that I want an MBA and Counseling license, or that I chose to work outside of the home (I did have a choice you know).  He is a man, and we all know how men are.

So, with this in mind a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.  Bargain! Thats right...use what you got to get what you want! You want sex? There's a sink full of dishes over there! What you want a little oral do ya? Well the kids need a bath, then there's the ironing, and laundry to be folded!

Am I some sort of domestic prostitute? Hmph, say what you want, but I have a satisfied husband, and a clean house! You have to learn to compromise, and bargiain.  Isn't that what marriage is all about? 

So, you can go ahead and be Supermom...but don't forget that you are still a woman, and if you have a mate. That person still has needs.  Pretty soon they will give you a Tylenol for your headache, and a Redbull to combat your sleepiness! You've got to spruce yourself up, put the kiddies in their rooms, put on an old record, and keep the love alive!

-Writing Addict

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